The Words shared by My Dad Which Rescued Me as a New Parent

"I think I was simply trying to survive for twelve months."

One-time Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the challenges of becoming a dad.

But the reality rapidly became "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health complications surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was thrust into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to looking after their infant son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every change… every stroll. The role of mother and father," Ryan shared.

After nearly a year he burnt out. That was when a chat with his father, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he needed help.

The direct words "You are not in a good spot. You require some help. In what way can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His situation is far from unique, but seldom highlighted. Although the public is now better used to addressing the pressure on moms and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the difficulties dads go through.

'It's not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his challenges are linked to a broader inability to talk among men, who often absorb negative perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall time and again."

"It is not a sign of weakness to seek help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health before and after childbirth, explains men can be reluctant to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not justified to be asking for help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental health is equally important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the space to ask for a pause - taking a couple of days away, outside of the domestic setting, to see things clearly.

He understood he needed to make a shift to pay attention to his and his partner's feelings in addition to the practical tasks of caring for a infant.

When he shared with Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Reparenting yourself'

That insight has reshaped how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will help his son to better grasp the language of emotional life and understand his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have consistent male parenting. Despite having an "amazing" connection with his dad, long-standing emotional pain caused his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "bad actions" when younger to alter how he was feeling, turning in alcohol and substances as an escape from the hurt.

"You gravitate to things that don't help," he explains. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end make things worse."

Advice for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you're feeling under pressure, speak to a friend, your spouse or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the things that allowed you to feel like yourself before having a baby. This might be exercising, meeting up with mates or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical stuff - a good diet, physical activity and when you can, resting, all play a role in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the messy ones, as well as the good ones, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that requesting help is not failure - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can care for your family.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead provide the security and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a outburst, for example, they do "shaking it out" together - managing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men due to the fact that they confronted their pain, changed how they communicate, and learned to manage themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and managing things," says Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo the other week," Ryan adds. "I said, at times I believe my purpose is to instruct and tell you what to do, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am understanding an equal amount as you are on this path."